November is my birthday month, so it has me reflecting on getting older (and, I hope, wiser). In my midlife years, I’ve been trying to savor all the benefits of entering this stage of life, like caring less about other people’s judgements, feeling more appreciation for my body and what it can do for me, and focusing on what really matters to me - my values, my relationships, my inner peace. In a culture that demonizes any physical sign of aging, including the natural changes in body shape and weight that occur in midlife, I view this as a necessary act of self-care.
When I explore my clients’ feelings about aging and the body changes they experience, I hear similar intentions. They want to be free in midlife (and beyond), not preoccupied with counting calories or following a diet. But many find body image struggles only intensify in their 40s and 50s and that social media is a huge reason for this. From “fitspo” and what-I-eat-in-a-day posts to fear-mongering content related to weight changes in menopause, the highly visual, image-based social media platforms are breeding grounds for body dissatisfaction, body comparison, and disordered eating.
Once considered a low-risk population, a mounting body of evidence is revealing midlife women (usually defined as ages 40-64) are at increased risk of new or relapsing eating disorders. Vulnerabilities include the physical and mental effects of the hormonal changes associated with perimenopause and menopause (body appearance/weight changes, anxiety and depression, and vasomotor symptoms), life transitions and role changes, stress, and the ever-present, relentless societal pressure to adhere to ideal body types largely coming from social media these days.
Evidence of social media’s harmful effects on mental health, body image, and eating disorder symptoms has exploded in recent years, leading to calls for regulations around social media use and features for children and teens, and to landmark rulings in lawsuits against social media companies. While most of the research linking social media use with eating disorders has focused on children and teens, a few researchers are looking at that relationship in midlife women. I recently came across a study from 2023 that looked at the connection between social media use and disordered eating behaviors in midlife women. The study found a significant positive association (meaning both things went up together) between social media-specific social comparison (comparing one’s body shape, size, or appearance to others’ using images on social media) and eating disorder symptoms (bingeing and purging, and dietary restriction). While most of the women in the study were using social media everyday, multiple times a day (mostly Facebook), the bigger factor seemed to be how they were scrolling. Spending time comparing themselves to others (friends, influencers) was more harmful than just being on the platform itself. My takeaway: while we may not be immune to powerful social media algorithms, we do have agency over how we use the platforms, what content we engage with, and how we talk to ourselves when we notice social comparison in our minds. Keep reading for tips on how to stop comparing yourself to others on social media.
Train Your Algorithm – and keep it up
Most people know we can influence what the algorithm shows us with some intentional engagement. You’ll get fed more content similar to what you “like”, spend time viewing, or comment on. On the flip, you can ask the algorithm to show you less of what you don’t want to see – you can report or hide content, you can set your ad preferences, and you can of course unfollow content creators that fuel negative experiences for you. The challenge is not getting complacent with this. Just like training a pet, it’s not a one-and-done endeavor; it needs to be maintained for it to be effective. It’s so easy for harmful content to slip back in over time due to how complex the algorithms are. Try to be diligent about training your algorithm in real time, or at the very least aim for a weekly or monthly refresher. When you notice yourself falling into a comparison mindset, feeling inadequate in any way, ask yourself “is this content worth feeling this way?” and if not, go in and hide it.
Reframe your Inner Dialogue
Of course, social comparison can show up even with content we want to see – like recipe creators, lifestyle and home organization content, even political, spiritual, and self-improvement content unrelated to appearance can spark it. Not to mention regular life updates from our loved ones (the infamous highlight reels). Hiding every bit of content that triggers social comparison is unrealistic. Our toolkit will also need to include some self-talk strategies to neutralize those thoughts when they arise. When you find yourself comparing yourself to others on social media, pause and take a few deep breaths (don’t skip this part). Then, try to name it, objectively and without judgement, to get some distance from it. You can say “I notice I’m having the thought that I wish I had her body shape” or “I notice I’m having the feeling of anxiety watching this meal prep video”. If you are sure you don’t want to hide or unfollow, try reframing the thought. You could say, “Bodies are not all supposed to look the same, and mine shows up for me in so many ways,” or, “I’m glad she’s found a meal prepping strategy that works for her.”
Get offline
The best way to inoculate yourself against the harms of social media-specific social comparison is to get offline and live your life in your here-and-now body. The more real, live positive experiences you have in your body, the more appreciation and respect you’ll build for it over time and the easier it will be to dismiss appearance-related comparison thoughts when they come up. This one also takes some intention. Whether you’re out for a hike in the woods, at a museum or concert with friends, or enjoying a delicious gourmet dinner at a new restaurant with your partner, pause and drop into the moment to really savor the experience. Try to name something specific about what feels good in the moment, and do a quick scan through your body to see if that goodness has a sensation. Or, if you’re a visual person, imagine you’re watching yourself have the experience from a distance, and say something like “she’s really enjoying herself in this moment.”
Personally, this last one has been a game-changer for me, so if you try it (or any of these tips), reach out and let me know how it goes. Here’s to another year growing wiser.
Primary article discussed in this post: Social media and disordered eating in middle-aged women: Not just an adolescent concern. (Thompson, et al.) https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S147101532300048X